In the culture of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, shame is a reoccurring threat. In this high-demand works-based religion, children and teens have to prove their value in worthiness interviews. Adults must pass a series of specific questions in order to attend the temple and inherit the highest degree of glory. These questions include being honest, chaste, paying a full tithe, obeying the Word of Wisdom, and upholding the truth claims of the Church. Church meetings often focus on the specific behaviors that the Church expects of its members, who feel that they are working their way into heaven. We are taught that we are children of God, but are also reminded that faith without works is dead.
Shame-based religions teach that we aren’t good enough and that we have to work our way into heaven. This can create a toxic mix of perfectionism, rigidity, and self-loathing.
In grace-based religions, God’s mercy is the foundational principle of the gospel. Members are taught that God loved them unconditionally and endlessly. His love motivates and empowers them to do good works. People are encouraged to develop a loving relationship with God, who is seen a beneficent, kind, and merciful. Hence, Christians believe are good because God is good. They are taught that “ [God] hath made [Christ] to be sin for us, who knew no sin; that we might be made the righteousness of God in him.” [1]
We claim to be a Christ-centered religion, but he is seldom mentioned in Church talks and lessons. Most lessons center around rules we should obey: tithing, keeping the Sabbath day holy, ministering to others, being morally clean, preparing for missions, attending the temple, family history work, holding church callings, to name a few.
A speaker at Sacrament Meeting is no longer permitted to ask the congregation to open their scriptures as the speaker shares scriptural verses. Many talks and lessons now refer to Church leaders’ quotes and fewer refer to their Savior’s teachings.
The unintended consequence from a works-based Church culture is that members do not feel they are enough. Instead, they feel they are less than whole, broken, unworthy. Yet, they are put on a façade of sainthood, righteousness, and wholeness to be accepted by their leaders and peers. That creates a shame-based society.
I’ve listened to hundreds of members over the years say that they feel unworthy and worthless. They believe they are not doing enough to deserve God’s love. Utah, To move from a shame-based culture to a Christ-based culture, the Church needs to:
1. Emphasize the love of Christ and God in talks, lessons, and doctrine. Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf has spoken about this extensively in his talks but was unfortunately removed from the First Presidency, so his voice has been diminished.
He said, “Think of the purest, most all-consuming love you can imagine. Now multiply that love by an infinite amount—that is the measure of God’s love for you…Though we are incomplete, God loves us completely. Though we are imperfect, He loves us perfectly. Though we may feel lost and without compass, God love encompasses us completely. He loves us because He is filled with an infinite measure of holy, pure, and indescribable love. ” [2]
2. Regularly teach that we love God because He first loved us. Remind members that God’s love gives us the strength and motivation to become more like Him.
3. Teach that God quickly forgives. When Church leaders require prolonged, shame-ridden repentance processes, exhaustive worthiness interviews, and works-based temple recommend interviews, some members either burn out or give up. If the Lord asks us to forgive others seventy times seven, surely He does the same for his penitent children.
4. Eliminate the endless list of to-do’s and instead focus on love. Leader interviewers could ask, “Do you seek to love God, yourself and others?” That should be the basis of any Church discussion and visit. Other questions unrelated to fostering God’s love need to be removed from Church interrogations.
5. Stop the harmful and destructive practice of worthiness interviews with youth. The very idea that youth must prove their worthiness implies that some are unworthy of God’s love. That is wrong.
6. Eliminate the shaming of any group, including women, LGBTQ+, minorities, non-LDS, and those who have faith doubts. Implying that God does not love all of His children creates a fear-based culture that is toxic to members’ mental health.
7. Create a space where members can be vulnerable in Church classes and meetings. Allow people to speak their truth without judgment or recrimination. Set an example of truthfulness by apologizing for mistakes and misinformation, honoring honesty, and promoting love and authenticity.
8. Encourage members to set personal values based on Christ’s example. Motivate members to follow God because they love Him, not because they fear Him. Teach members that turning away from bad behavior is a healthy process, not a shameful one.
9. Stop excommunicating members who speak the truth about the Church. The silencing of good members who seek to protect children or shine a light on false truth claims of the Church creates a culture of fear.
The Church does much good in the world. Its fast-offering program feeds millions of hungry individuals and its model of service and ministry is admirable. It can focus more on Christ and less on condemnation. We urge the Church to be a place of healing and not harassment. Our worthiness is inherent in our very souls and need not be proven in interviews.
[1] 2 Cor. 5:21
[2] See “The Love of God,” Pres. Dieter Uchtdorf, October 2009 General Conference accessed here https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2009/10/the-love-of-god?lang=eng